


Boss Babe

by HaiImKawaii



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Crack, Instead of therapy I wrote this, Joke Fic, Meme, haha funny joke, lots of cursing because bad word funny, pyramid schemes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:54:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27159610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HaiImKawaii/pseuds/HaiImKawaii
Summary: Mammon becomes a #girlboss
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	Boss Babe

This past week has been incredibly strange. Well, at least stranger than usual. Especially when it came to Mammon, dumbass extraordinaire. Usually, you’d be pelted with his tsundere-ish charms by him constantly insulting you in ways that would usually deter the average person, but lately the Great Mammon has been on his best behavior. Carrying your books as you walked to class, giving you small gifts, even holding his tongue when it came to comments about “wretched humans”. You knew something was up, but you couldn’t quite put your finger on it. Your suspicions were confirmed when you got a particular text from him. 

Mammon: Hey MC :)

MC: Mammon for the last time, I am not going let you sell my feet pics.

Mammon: Come on! Y'know how much more in demand feet pics of girls are and Asmo said he’d charge me 25,000 grimm per pic to sell!

Mammon: im getting off track.

Mammon: MC, have I ever told you how *INSERT YOUR CUSTOMER’S CHARACTERISTIC* you are?

MC: What the fuck Mammon

Mammon: i meant to say how dedicated! DEDICATED 

MC: I’m going to mute you if you don’t get straight to the point

Mammon: FINE I’m holdin a lil soiree later at 3 in the living room. Can u come

MC: How tf do u know how to spell soiree

Mammon: Shaddup! Are you goin or not?

MC: Yeah, I’ll be there… get me some shrimps and make sure that beel doesn’t eat them and i’ll even pretend that i’m having a good time

Mammon: Great! Can’t wait to see u hon (He then sends a barrage of kissing emojis and nail painting emojis like some sort of white suburban mom)

Putting your D.D.D. down, you get a weird, yet familiar feeling in your stomach. Not that it bothered you, in fact it just made you more morbidly curious about what Mammon had up his sleeve. 

3 PM came rather quickly, and as you made your way into the living room, you were met with the rest of the brothers, all begrudgingly there as well. While Lucifer, Asmo, and Levi took over the couch, the rest of the brothers were seated in those flimsy little foldable metal chairs Mammon must have brought out. Well, except for Beel. He was going ham on the charcuterie in the corner of the room.

“Mammon! When are you going to start? I want to go back and play Ancient Texts Online already! There’s a double exp campaign going on and I’m wasting precious minutes!” Levi exclaimed, looking through the forums of the aforementioned game on his phone. Lucifer pulled out a pocket watch.

“You’ve got 15 minutes before I leave. Why have you gathered us all here.” He asked though it didn’t come out much like a question. 

“Okay, okay, sheesh! Everyone’s here anyway so I might as well.” He looked over to Beel. “Oi, Beel! Get your ass over here.” He barked. Beel looked at Mammon with those puppy dog eyes, not wanting to leave his friends (the snacks) alone. Mammon sighed. “You can bring the snacks over here, just sit over by Belphie.” He motioned towards Belphegor who was currently pretending to be awake in his chair. Beel instantly brightened, dragging the entire table of snacks over to Belphie and the empty seat next to him. Mammon mentally wanted to bang his head against the wall, but decided that he wanted to start his get rich quick scheme first before losing the one brain cell he had left. Clicking the remote, the brothers and MC were met with the ugliest looking slide they had ever seen. Clashing patterns of flowers and stripes and a color-scheme that was sure to burn anyone’s retinas. In the middle of the slide was an atrocious clipart of the name “SensLip”. Asmo almost fainted from the sight itself. 

“Today, we are going to delve into the world of….” Mammon trailed off for a dramatic effect, before relieving everyone from the sight of the title slide to a little image of some lipstick. “SENSLIP!” as he said it, the word SENSLIP slid across the slide. MC clapped a little, earning a few glares from both Satan and Lucifer as if to tell them to not encourage Mammon. “Now, I bet you are wonderin’ what the hell ‘Senslip’ even is. Well, I’ll tell you.” 

After one long-winded explanation, the presentation was over. Mammon clapped his hands together and asked, “So any questions.” Lucifer immediately left the room, obviously fed up with Mammon’s bullshit and having to do actual productive things. Mammon would have yelled at Lucifer, but that one brain cell told him otherwise. Satan raised his hand. 

“Yeah… Mammon, this is a pyramid scheme. Senslip just wants you to sell low quality cosmetics in large amounts, because you’re never going to get more investors.” Satan confessed, wanting to speak up 10 minutes ago. Mammon looked offended. 

“Wh- that’s not fuckin’ true!” Mammon interjected. “It’s called Multi-Level Marketing!” That made Levi snort.  
“Dude, there’s like literal communities against companies that use that business model. It’s a Pyramid Scheme but with a less scummy name.” 

“I’m tellin’ ya, it ain’t a pyramid scheme!” Mammon, was about to throw hands, but MC stood up grabbing a marker and a large piece of paper I, the author put there for plot convenience.

“Mammogram, explain to me how this works once more.”

“MC I’m beggin’ ya please never call me that again.” MC tapped the paper, clearly waiting for Mammon to describe his current business model. He sighed. “Alright, fine! This witch lady who I owed a debt to told me about how if I just started buyin’ her merch that she’ll let me off the hook. So basically, 2 other demons and I were told about how we were invited to join her company as sales associates for Senslip,” MC drew a circle on top and three smaller circles below the one large circle, “We could either sell the makeup or invite a few people to join and the people in our downline would be able to invite more people as well,” MC drew two more circles under each of the three smaller circles and finally connected them together, making them finally resemble a triangle, “and they’d- Oh my fucking god this is a pyramid scheme. Holy fucking shit. Motherfucking dammit.” The realization hit Mammon like a fucking train as soon as he saw the diagram. It left Mammon simply a pile of swears and with no money, of course. 

“LMFAOOOOOO NICE ONE MC YOU GOT HIM TO REALIZE IT!” Levi was hooting and Satan burst out laughing in the background while Mammon realized that he bought 200 cases of shitty lipstick he couldn’t sell.

“I can’t believe you fell for a scam that middle-aged women typically fall for!” Satan added, rubbing a Red Sea’s worth of salt into his already gaping wound.

His eyes glazed over while he sat himself in the empty chair that MC had left after standing up. Beel was finally finished with his snack platter which lasted longer than most thought, though admittedly there was a bite mark on the tray. He was carrying Belphie who was still asleep, and looked at Mammon. 

“We’re done here, right?” Beel asked to which Mammon could only reply with a slight nod. The twins evacuated the room, presumably back to their bedrooms. Satan and Levi were on the couch still yucking it up at Mammon’s dumbassery. MC had to drag Mammon who was sitting in the chair still to his room. Opening the door was like entering hell- or more accurately an old high school bully who is still trying to hold onto her golden years’s heaven. Boxes with “SENSLIP” on the side with a gaudy font were littered all over his room.

“Mammon?”

“Yeah, MC?”

“You’re literally an idiot.”

**Author's Note:**

> my meat is huge <3 watch me not write for another year but comments r appreciated!!!!!!!!!!!


End file.
